Life after Cancer!

At my last visit with my oncologist, I asked, "What is next?"  As per usual, Dr. Kocs looked at me wryly and said, "Just live and I will see you in 6 months..."  So that's what I have done!

Good morning all!  I was going through all my past blogs (there are a lot!) and so much of it brought smiles to my face!  I don't know if anyone will ever read this, but I wanted to let everyone know how absolutely fantastic life after cancer is for me!!!!  My new almost vegan diet with daily infusions of whole food fruits and green vegetables leaves me with so much energy!  I am loving being able to be active and involved again with my family: helping Dale with all he has been shouldering the last past hell year, being there for the kids for band, scouts, school, cotillion (hehe, yes, we are encouraging Logan to participate in the Jr. cotillion), TKD, running for Student Council for parker, oh so much!

We are selling our other two houses and that is a trial in itself, and it doesn't help that Dale is required to go to Singapore TWICE this month.  Ahhh ha, only a cancer survivor can appreciate all the craziness and stress and look at it as easy, knowing how much last year sucked!!!  Bring on the complications!  If  we have our health, we can deal with anything!!!

So much is going on that I am looking forward to!  I am loving and living life to the fullest, but hopefully I will never forget all I learned in 2012.  Thank you to all of you for your continued support and love.  I could not have made it through without you and your prayers.

New Boobs!!! and stuff...

It has been a while since our last post.  Dale had been off and we have been doing lots of research on ways we can disease-proof our bodies.  We started off with the book The Cancer Killers, which gave us a lot of good information but not a plan yet.  Then we watched the movie Forks over Knives and our eyes were opened.  Whole food plant sources were the way to go!  That lead us to Dr. Fuhrman's Eat for Life and we had a plan.  Since they say breast cancer never goes away, I need to make changes in my life, concrete changes so I never have to go through this again.  Changes like avoiding animal-based foods and sticking with plant-based.  So Veganism, here I come.  What has helped a whole lot is the Vitamix Dale got me for Christmas.  We just put apples, bananas, carrots, squash, cale, ice and rice milk and drink up a whole day's worth of whole foods.  The boys are loving their smoothies, kinda hit or miss, and we all work together to come up with recipes they like.  Dale and I are not going to make everyone stick to our diet, we don't want to change the boys lives too much right away, but every little bit helps.  Dale has been doing an actual "diet" diet with the Eat for Life and has lost 10 pounds in a little more than a week.  And we feel great!

So I got new boobs Monday!  We went in and met with the surgeon and told him that since he has much more experience at this then we do, we will just trust his judgement.  I went into the surgery fully expecting only the huge depressions in my chest to be filled.  I really never believed I'd have boobs again, since I didn't want to have to go through the hassle of expanders, so when I woke up with boobs I was shocked!  And ouch!  I guess putting that large of an implant underneath my chest muscle wall puts a huge strain on it, and it hurts like a bit*#!!!  Wednesday was the worst, where I almost felt like getting rid of them, but it got a little better.  I'm not taking any pain meds, just the muscle relaxant.  And I have to take it very easy, which sucks because I cannot lift much at all.  But I feel...  pretty, which after the mastectomy and the frankenboobs, not so much.  I still have monster scars, but I think I will end up a full B, which is pretty miraculous to me.

Dale leaves tomorrow to go to California for 10 days and I'm going to take this opportunity to go up with him for a few days. Since I cannot carry anything heavy like a suitcase, I will just pack all my stuff in his.  But that stressed me out about what to pack, so I had to go shopping at the Domain and I feel much better ;-)  I'm looking forward to getting away for a little time, and maybe sightsee in San Francisco.

Life is good right now.  It is hard not being at work, but my body needs this time to heal, so resting I am (purposefully yoda-ish).  My office sent me the most beautiful orchids to cheer me up.  It is an actual plant I can try and grow.  With a note they are "rooting" for me; how cute is that! And our close friends brought us an incredible arrangement with beautiful roses and unique foliage.  I get cards and notes that warm my heart.  This has been a journey I hope I never, ever forget. I feel like I have grown so much emotionally and spiritually, and have even gotten closer to some people I love.  I hope I can help others the way you all have helped me so much.   Love you all!

Supplemental postings

Good morning, friends and family!  Wanted to catch everyone up on my going’s on J

I have felt absolutely fantastic and have thoroughly  utilized my recovery time to the fullest: napping, easy walks with Carmel, catching up with long-time friends.  Dale has been traveling and with the very generous food donations from everyone, the boys and I have been spoiled rotten!  Thank you to my wonderful friends and neighbors!!!!

I went to the plastic surgeon this week with the intentions of not getting any reconstruction done.  Honestly, I was just scared.  I was finished with putting myself through any more pain.  But he was very sincere and made us feel very good.  He would recommend doing something because right now, besides having Fraken-boobs, I don’t have a flat chest, I have decided concavities where they removed all the boob goodness.  So he said it would be very simple just to fill it with an implant.  75% chance that I would not even need the additional surgery of expanders.  That is good news.  We scheduled the surgery January 7^th with a full month recovery time from work.  The doctor felt this was best since we wanted a full recovery. 

I am devoting myself to systemic cleaning as well, wanting to get over all the medical treatments I have been subjecting myself to.  I have found a really good chiropractor who wants to help me align my central nervous system, since that is the core that runs all the other systems.  I am taking many supplements and have even gone to a naturopath doctor and had a bioscan completed to see where to focus these supplements.   I’m drinking many green teas and breathing deeply to get my body as much oxygen as I can.  Oh, and monitoring my pH, as we know cancer thrives in an acidic environment.  In addition, because it was recommended by a dear friend as well as makes sense, I’m doing dry skin brushing to activate my lymphatic system. 

That’s all for now; perhaps you’ll get a better update from a different perspective from my cancer hero.  Take it away, Dale!

Next Steps and THANKS

Today Shermance visited her oncologist for the first time in well over a month to align on the need for radiation.  He gave her the OK to proceed without radiation...WAHOO!  We've heard that radiation can cause more problems than it solves, so we are very glad to get that news. For many it is absolutely necessary, but in Shermance's case the added benefits from radiation are small.

Shermance will need to wait 6 weeks to begin reconstruction - a process that may take a few months.  Dr. Mosier realizes that many doctors are willing to insert expanders at the time of the mastectomy, but he wants the best results so he waits until the body heals before proceeding to that next step.  We've heard horror stories of complications by moving too quickly, so we'll take the slower route.  It also means she won't need drains again - which sealed the deal for Shermance when she heard that.

Thank you very much to the neighbor ladies for coordinating dinners this week.  It is so amazingly helpful while I am travelling for work and Shermance is regaining mobility.  She tells me the food has been delicious!  YOU ROCK!  Also, to the wonderful women who tried to set-up a care calendar for us previously (three times)- we are so thankful for your offers to help.  We really don't like to ask for help, and we appreciate you so much!  YOU ROCK, TOO!

Live Like You Were Dying

Leading up to the double mastectomy last week, more than ever Shermance was struggling with fears about her mortality.  What if she didn't make it through the surgery?  What if she were creating her last memories?  What would she be remembered for?  How would the kids cope without a mother?  Had she lived a full life?  Was she ready to be gone?  So many other questions filled her mind about the timing, her readiness, and many more questions she kept inside.  That weekend, she was more anxious than usual and a bit on edge.  Who could blame her?  I've never been so close to what I thought could be the end, so I never faced those questions myself.  For her, those thoughts were often tear-filled, but oddly enough at the same time she was at peace.

At the time I didn't feel it was appropriate to share her thoughts in this blog, but now that she is recovering well (like a champ), it seems OK. Such thoughts are core to being human.  We have it in common: one day will be our last and we'll be faced with similar questions. Her mind was put at ease because she had no regrets.  She was good with God.  If this was her time, she was ready to accept her fate. She was ready. WOW!  What amazing strength! I don't think I could face my own possible death with nearly such a equanimity. Yet she didn't want to fade away...she wanted our family to have memories of the 'last days'.

The night before heading to the hospital we shared a family tradition dating back to my childhood. On the first Sunday of Advent, I'd read the Christmas story from the Bible, followed by setting-up antique Hummel Nativity figures on the mantle.  We've since passed down that tradition to our boys. For the second year our 9-year old son, Parker, read the story from a Beginner's Bible and we had my mom on the phone from the Chicago area.  My brother, his wife and their two sweet daughters also joined us at our house. Although we were a week early for advent, it seemed right since it normally falls on the weekend after Thanksgiving and moreso to add another family memory before surgery. Shermance enjoyed showing my brother's girls our Christmas decorations, especially seeing their interest in the multi-colored, fiber-optic lit ceramic village and similar snowman. It was chaotic, with the little girls exploring more of the decorations especially the heat-driven Christmas candle carousel.  Parker kept reading amidst the comotion. Shermance was smiling - radiating from inside out.  She enjoyed sharing that moment.  She watched all that was going on in particular wonder.  After setting up our own Nativity scene we enjoyed the most kid-anticipated tradition - eggnog and a variety of traditional homemade cookies shipped from my mom. Yum!

Before putting the kids down for bed, Shermance recorded an iPhone video of or night-time ritual.    Our family routine includes singing a good night song (or songs), saying a rote prayer, and each meditating in silent prayer.  This night the song was more boisterous than ever while we were recording. It's not unusual that the 4 of us are in different keys, doing a poor job of harmonizing, or competing for the loudest rendition, but this time we laughed...and laughed.  It was joy-filled.  It was a gift. Even without technology that memory will forever remain fresh.  It's part of having a family.  It's a sharing that cannot be described in words alone...it's a forever bond that will keep us together whether near or far, whether well or sick, and whether old or young.  It's family.  It's our family...odd, fun, happy!  That's how we hope it will always be. 

Now that Shermance is on the mend, she doesn't ever want to face the biggest fear of a cancer survivor - recurrence.  To reduce her risks she will live a healthy lifestyle - low stress, happy, eating good foods, and sharing time with friends and family.  To also help her meet those goals, she's reading a book she highly recommends, and one she wants to share with others about how to live to avoid cancer called The Cancer Killers.  Add that to my list of must-read books!  For women, 1 in 8 sometime in their life will hear the words that struck fear in Shermance 7 months ago, "you have breast cancer".  Help yourself.  Reduce your risks, but also live like you were dying...Have no regrets!  It's your life!

Note to self: never mention a vulture flying overhead when your significant other is questioning her mortality - it doesn't go over well.  I learned the hard way.  :)

Fast Recovery

Shermance continues to recover quickly after the double mastectomy surgery this past Monday.  She looks great and has a glow about her that she hasn’t had since before she was diagnosed with cancer!  She is bubbly and full of energy!

On Friday, we were glad that the drains produced less than 30 mL for the 2^nd day in a row so Shermance was able to have her drains removed prior to the weekend – WAHOO! When visiting with Dr. Bombach after removal, he let us know that there was still a small tumor in the breast tissue, but it had reduced from of 25mm to 6mm in the largest dimension. 

The good news is the tumor responded favorably to the chemo as the songrams suggested.  Even better, the lymph nodes that were removed showed absolutely no signs of cancer.  At this point the doctor was not willing to call Shermance CANCER FREE! But she has progressed quickly and as far as he knows there is no more cancer in her body.  She’ll need to take precautions for the rest of her life to avoid recurrence.  The Dr. also confirmed that he sees little benefit from radiation in her case, and described Shermance as an ideal candidate for early reconstruction.  Shermance will call her plastic surgeon Monday to book the first  available appointment to have expanders surgically installed – the first step in her reconstruction. 

After the appointment, while leaving the clinic, Shermance didn’t know what to do with her hands.  I noticed that she was holding them tight against her body as had become habit during the week with drains so they wouldn’t bounce around.  I told her she could put them down to her sides if it was more comfortable.  Shen she did, they hung lifeless beside her body.  It’s as if she forgot how to coordinate her arms with her legs. When I pointed it out she exaggerated the swing and bobbed her head in a motion not too unlike Jar Jar Binks – an alien character from Star Wars I and II.  I tried to mimic it and we both burst out in laughter.  We couldn’t move because each step we took cause the other to laugh.  We paused to think it’s probably unusual for people to leave a medical facility in such great spirits  and laughing like school children. 

That evening we had what used to be our usual Friday family movie night.  Having already watched the first of Tim Allen’s, The Santa Clause movies we opted to watch the second in the series.  After watching we asked Parker, our 9-year old, for his ideas for his Santa Clause list.  Logan had given his weeks ago, but Parker retorted that we have an odd family because it wasn’t even December and we already had watched two classic Christmas movies and expected him to have completed his list for Santa.  We agreed that we were pushing a bit hard since we wanted to get as much done as possible before the surgery and now that Shermance is recovering well, we can slow down a bit. 

Saturday we headed to Sam’s Club to pick-up the latest Glenn Beck book and to have it personally signed during his pass through Austin on his 3-day, 12 city tour. Shermance is a huge fan of his and respects him immensely.  While in line we read the hand-out from his crew that stated what to expect.  The biggies were “no personalized copies” so he was just doing his signature on the title page, the book must be set to that page, and pictures were only allowed from a certain area.  When it was her turn, she got really close to the desk where he was seated and before I knew it, he stood up and gave her a huge hug! What a shocker! I captured the whole thing on her iPhone. After the quick interchange, we were rustled out the other side and I asked Shermance what she said to get the hug when he wasn’t really interacting with anyone.  She played the cancer card and offered to help him out if he needed a photo op to show his care for cancer survivors.  While he declined the photo op, he said he wanted to giver her a hug and wish her well on her journey.  Shermance was glowing the rest of the morning.  It made for the start of a great day together: shopping and lunch together, our favorite Nikki's pizza with lots of laughing and good times.  Great to have my wife back! 

Sunday started great. At church, Shermance surprised many of her friends by being there so soon after surgery.  The sermon was appropriate for the first Sunday of advent - a focus on giving as the key to happiness.  Pastor David has a knack for weaving in a great story to the verse - this time from Proverbs).  After an afternoon of honey-do's I had to rush off to the airport headed to Silicon Valley about the time Sherm's parents came to cook dinner.  We are very fortunate that our wonderful neighbors offered up dinners this week while I'm travelling on business. 

As for Monday, she will call our Oncologist and her plastic surgeon to schedule her next surgery for expander installation as soon as possible.  Maybe even this week if he can work her in. 

 *****Monday morning update:  plastic surgeon wants to wait up to 6 weeks to start any reconstructions.  He wants her to heal fully, make sure there is no infection, and then start the next procedure.  It will be easier on her body and will negate the need for the dreaded drains!!!

Note tonight from Shermance: When all was quiet, I snuck into the bathroom to clean up for bed and to take the dressings off the drain sites.  All by myself.  It was hard to get that shirt off.  Off came the left dressing and squirt came the blood.  I was rather freaked out.  What to do???  It was dripping!  Should I get Logan to help me?  Go to the hospital?  Call Dina??  I just stood there.  Drip.  Drip.  I looked for a shirt to put on, but knew I would leak all over the bed...

So I got our dressings left over from the drains and taped myself up.  Duh.  Miss you.  Sucky time for you to be gone.  I'm a whiny baby.  Miss you.. 

Update from Dale: I called home when I arrived in California and she was able to recover...I miss her too.

Great News!!!

 So quick update since I’m sure Dale will give a much more detailed synopsis:  Drains are out!  Hurt like a B***ch, but they are out!  The chemo worked and while both cancer tumors were not completely eradicated, they shrunk drastically in size, from 25 mm, I think, to 6 mm.  Something like that.  Then all the breast tissue that contained the tumors was completely removed and there was no signs of cancer in the axilla lymph nodes that were removed.  YEAH!  So the surgeon does not recommend radiation, in fact he emphatically is resistant to radiation, saying it will do more harm than good.  In addition, he says it will greatly increase the risk of lymphedema in the right arm!  Then he went on to say that I am a candidate for early reconstruction and as soon as the plastic surgeon can fit me in, he says go!  So even next week, depending entirely on the plastic surgeon’s availability.   So we will see!  But I am floating on air and I wanted to share it with everyone ASAP!  LOVE YOU ALL!!!  I was able to get this far with all the incredible support and love from family, friends, and even some almost strangers.  And God.  He has walked through every step in my heart.  This has been such an amazing journey so far…  Cannot wait to see what comes next!