Good morning, all my friends. I feel I must pick up on Dale's slack, lol. Poor man has been so busy with work and me, there has been no time to update everyone with his usual witticisms. So you are stuck with me, again.
My third round of chemo really hit me hard. It wasn't being a little tired that bothered me, but the low level nausea that was present all the time. I think that is what contributed to my depression, because you guys know how much I love being energetic. So I was depressed, sick, and tired and moped that I felt like death. Then I woke up Thursday AND I WAS BACK! Enough energy to strong arm and boss the whole family like a drill sergeant. And boy do they love that.
Last monday we went to go visit the surgeon to find out how thing were looking. He sat and looked a long time. Not only has the tumor shrunk, but it seems to have morphed into some odd shape. He was very interested and wants to see us back in August. I tried to get a better grasp on timing for everything, like doing the surgeries and reconstruction in December and I wanted to know how much time I should take off. Then they were like, "oh hon. Things have changed.". So now I can do the mastectomies in December, but apparently, because I had the tiny, tiny lymph involvement, now I have to do 6 weeks of daily radiation. That sucks. Then he said the reconstructs comes after that. Although I've talked to several people who put their spacers in at the time of radiation, and it worked fine. So I guess we need to talk to the plastic surgeon to get a better grasp on our options.
So work has been great. We had been off for two weeks and I must say I really enjoyed hanging around the house. Getting back to work only took a little while to get back into the swing of things. And honestly, I wonder how I get any work done with all the talking that I do. Whether it is a new patient, which most still are, or one I've seen before, everyone wants an update on how I'm doing. Everyone. And it warms my heart, the generosity of spirit that they all show. One sweet lady gave me her "God is big enough" bracelet and held me and said a prayer for my healing. How can you feel sorry for yourself when so many people show such love?
I think Dale wants to update you further, with all the things he's been noticing and taking notes on, you know him, but I wanted to catch you up with me.😜.
I am really, really good right now, very positive and happy and energetic. I go to Tae Kwon Do and run and race everyone. Life is good. And while I don't quite see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can at least see a tunnel now. I only have one more of the frigging awful A/C treatments that make me want to die, and I can deal with ONE MORE! Then the 12 weeks of weekly Taxol chemo treatments should, please God, be a little easier on my body. But we will just wait and see. The first treatment they say should take 6 hours because everyone reacts differently, but this is the one that could cause neuropathy in my hands and feet, and may cause me to lose my finger and toe nails. Good times. All can be delt with and is temporary. I got to be a crew leader at VBS a few weeks ago and the theme for the weeks was, "no matter what happens, TRUST GOD.". At that is where my life is now. Trusting in God, and praying that I have the strength to do what is needed of me. All your notes, and prayers, and gifts really, really mean the world to me. Your support is what gets me thought. Thank you, my friends.
I love you all!!
Friday, July 13, 2012
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
It's What Get's Her Through It!
Your continued support, prayers, cards and messages of love and caring are what gets her through the tough days. Unfortunately, the effects of the chemo are cumulative and this round is worse than the last (in most aspects). The good news is she hasn't been as nauseous, but shermance has experienced more tiredness and irritibility this round. When she leaves the house, visits with friends and neighbors or goes shopping, she's made sure she less worn out. At other times she just doesn't want visitors, to look at food or even to be touched.
On Saturday, Shermance had visitors from high school, whom she hadn't seen in 25 years. They reconncted through facebook and both Tamara and Shantel have kept up with the blog to check on Shermance's progress. They wanted to reconnect with her, but also show their support. They are very nice Christian women and they each brought her something special. Shantel brought a book she received from directly from the author about his amazing recovery from a cancer that was supposed to be terminal. Tamara put her elementaty educator skills to work and made the neatest message jar decked out in all pink with Shermance's name on it and a bright pink flower on top - complete with lots of bling. Inside, folded messages provide inspiration on the tough days! It's a great idea and beautifully executed.
That night Shermance was feeling ok and willing to be social for a few hours so we spent the evening around the Cobiar's pool (including "Carmel" who jumped in after a bit of hesitation) and grilled some massive steaks, hamburgers and sauages. I think I'm finally over my grill envy and we really enjoyed meeting their respective moms and checking out their view overlooking the lake at Round Rock West Park. Shermance was a trooper and held up for about 4 hours before she really felt the need to go home.
On Saturday, Shermance had visitors from high school, whom she hadn't seen in 25 years. They reconncted through facebook and both Tamara and Shantel have kept up with the blog to check on Shermance's progress. They wanted to reconnect with her, but also show their support. They are very nice Christian women and they each brought her something special. Shantel brought a book she received from directly from the author about his amazing recovery from a cancer that was supposed to be terminal. Tamara put her elementaty educator skills to work and made the neatest message jar decked out in all pink with Shermance's name on it and a bright pink flower on top - complete with lots of bling. Inside, folded messages provide inspiration on the tough days! It's a great idea and beautifully executed.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Chemo Round 3. 2nd Round WINNER: A draw!
The three weeks following round 2 of chemo were a rollercoaster of emotions, sleeplessness and nausea - the physical effects were most debilitating the first 5 days but the emotional effects lasted throughout, but I'm not going to say Shermance lost that round because she toughed it out. She didn't miss a day of work, she kept her attitude positive, and she maintained the high level of energy in public so most people were none the wiser. It was draining, but she's a fighter. She once said, "It's hard for other people to know the struggle that I'm feeling, because to them I act so normal." Needless to say it's a constant FIGHT!
The hours after Round 3 were similar to Round 2. She felt fine immediately afterwards, enough that we could grab a light lunch at Olive Garden, but by the time we got home she was achy, tired (but not sleepy), and on the edge of nausea. This time though she didn't force herself to be with the family and extended family that came to visit for support - she just went to our room to try and rest. This time she didn't wait until she was already sick to take the nausea meds. At the earliest sign of sickness she took them. When the time came, she also took the sleeping meds, a new one this time Terazapam - which is supposed to knock her butt out. She was leary taking so many pills yesterday, afraid that taking one more each time might throw her over the edge for another round of stomach wrenching, but fortunately the bouts of nausea were minimal, though there were a few scary moments that she had to rush to the bathroom. She didn't want to be touched, though a few hugs were welcomed. No one could touch the bed for fear of setting off another sickness episode. She just wanted her hand held and someone to be by her side.
Yesterday she continued to be uplifted by support and friendship. She opened cards of encouragement (thanks Reicherts), received purple flowers for hope/survival (thanks Wilkes), and a completely unexpected gift from her friend at Tae Kwon Do. While she was resting, Nancy dropped by and delivered a very unassuming box and asked that we give it to Shermance when she woke up. I presented her with the box after telling her some uplifting news about my work that I just heard. So she was already in good spirits, but the gift was so overwhelming that all she could do was cry, she couldn't express words enough for her gratitude. In the box was a hand-written note that said "Shermance, Keep fighting like a girl, Love Nancy" and what she gave was her Tae Kwon Do World Championship medal that she won the week prior for sparing. AMAZING! This is something Nancy has worked so incredibly hard for over many, many years and she gave the fruits of her labor to Shermance to give her strength and encouragement. WOW! Shermance was blown away!
In the evening, Shermance was able to eat a small portion of her Mom's famed Chicken and Dumpling broth and keep it down. Family left early and the kidos played outside so Shermance could rest. When it came time for bed, the kids readied in a hurry, drank-up the root beer float treat their Mimi had bought for them, and said prayers and sang our good night song around Shermance on the couch where she moved to try to watch a show.
She rested well and this morning we have Shermance back! She's not 100% but not nausious and way better than the last time. In her words she "doesn't feel like death", but she has noticed some changes in her eyesight that we'll watch closely.
The hours after Round 3 were similar to Round 2. She felt fine immediately afterwards, enough that we could grab a light lunch at Olive Garden, but by the time we got home she was achy, tired (but not sleepy), and on the edge of nausea. This time though she didn't force herself to be with the family and extended family that came to visit for support - she just went to our room to try and rest. This time she didn't wait until she was already sick to take the nausea meds. At the earliest sign of sickness she took them. When the time came, she also took the sleeping meds, a new one this time Terazapam - which is supposed to knock her butt out. She was leary taking so many pills yesterday, afraid that taking one more each time might throw her over the edge for another round of stomach wrenching, but fortunately the bouts of nausea were minimal, though there were a few scary moments that she had to rush to the bathroom. She didn't want to be touched, though a few hugs were welcomed. No one could touch the bed for fear of setting off another sickness episode. She just wanted her hand held and someone to be by her side.
Yesterday she continued to be uplifted by support and friendship. She opened cards of encouragement (thanks Reicherts), received purple flowers for hope/survival (thanks Wilkes), and a completely unexpected gift from her friend at Tae Kwon Do. While she was resting, Nancy dropped by and delivered a very unassuming box and asked that we give it to Shermance when she woke up. I presented her with the box after telling her some uplifting news about my work that I just heard. So she was already in good spirits, but the gift was so overwhelming that all she could do was cry, she couldn't express words enough for her gratitude. In the box was a hand-written note that said "Shermance, Keep fighting like a girl, Love Nancy" and what she gave was her Tae Kwon Do World Championship medal that she won the week prior for sparing. AMAZING! This is something Nancy has worked so incredibly hard for over many, many years and she gave the fruits of her labor to Shermance to give her strength and encouragement. WOW! Shermance was blown away!
In the evening, Shermance was able to eat a small portion of her Mom's famed Chicken and Dumpling broth and keep it down. Family left early and the kidos played outside so Shermance could rest. When it came time for bed, the kids readied in a hurry, drank-up the root beer float treat their Mimi had bought for them, and said prayers and sang our good night song around Shermance on the couch where she moved to try to watch a show.
She rested well and this morning we have Shermance back! She's not 100% but not nausious and way better than the last time. In her words she "doesn't feel like death", but she has noticed some changes in her eyesight that we'll watch closely.
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| World Champ TKD medal given to Shermance so she'll continue to fight like a girl! |
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| Happy flowers! |
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| One of 3 rushed trips to the toilet feeling sick. |
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| Night time prayers - boys joined Shermance on the couch. |
Friday, June 29, 2012
The Biggest Looper
One of Shermance's favorite things to do in the chemo room is to Facetime with her mom and aunt. It cracks her up to see them pre-make-up and groggy in the morning. Today she also exchanged texts with her Tae Kwon Do buddy Shannon who was at home nursing herself after shoulder surgery. We're heading to their house tomorrow for an afternoon swim, but the IM exchange was crazy and funny - just the light-hearted pick-me up that Shermance needed. At one point they snapped pics of themselves to see who could make the funniest face...you be the judge. They wanted to see who was most loopy. Pics below. They also exchanged pics of their toenail colors...RANDOM!
Looking around the chemo room, nobody else has this much stuff. This time we have 2 blankets, a neck pillow, a cooler full of food, our huge Sonic drink, a big water jug, the cancer satchel, an iPad, i Phone, and all the accessories plus my computer and a cup of cofee and one filled with ice chips. We could certainly get by with less, but it makes her feel like a princesss...a Cancer Princess, so I'm happy to carry all the stuff along, though I do make fun of us the whole way pretending like the stuff is 300 lbs.
Looking around the chemo room, nobody else has this much stuff. This time we have 2 blankets, a neck pillow, a cooler full of food, our huge Sonic drink, a big water jug, the cancer satchel, an iPad, i Phone, and all the accessories plus my computer and a cup of cofee and one filled with ice chips. We could certainly get by with less, but it makes her feel like a princesss...a Cancer Princess, so I'm happy to carry all the stuff along, though I do make fun of us the whole way pretending like the stuff is 300 lbs.
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| Looper 1? |
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| or Looper 2? |
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| Asleep during Cytoxan |
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| Resting with the prayer blanket |
Anything is Possible
This week at VBS has been great preparation for chemo today. One of the songs Shermance taught her kindergatners was "Anything is Possible with God". That's the encouragement she needed today to tackle this monster inside her again. The songs have been going through her head all morning and they give her strength, even though she was a still a bit weepy-eyed this morning.
Our doc came in a bit bummed today. Apparently he had to give another patient some bad news already before 9:00am. But Shermance washer normal bubbly self and made the doc laugh. He tolerates us, but is also quite funy in his dry humor. No, he won't go with us to pick out a plastic surgeon, and he can't drink beer during work hours. But he did help Shermance by reducing her steroid for today, telling us to reduce her steroid pills after chemo and increased her perscription sleep med. In our words, he wants to "knock her ass out" so she gets plenty of sleep. And we don't want her sick, though she's starting to think she has the start of a chest cold...uuugh! After a short visit with the doc we were wisked to the "cancer-killing room".
As usual when we showed up at the oncology this morning, Shermance lit up the room. The office ladies were in awe at her birthday jewelry (for another post). Shermance had been coveting the receptionist's Opal necklace for months and now she was able to share her bling with them. After been moved right in to check vitals and finish check-in, I was busted for taking a sip of Shermance's 44 oz cherry limeaid. I figured one sip would be Ok, but apparently not. After all it's 44 HUGE ozs. That's almost the equivalent to 4 cans. Oh well, I guess she'll be going to the bathroom a lot during this chemo. The Sonic drink is important though since the cold keeps the chemo away from her mouth so she doesn't have as many side effects. I was also convinced that she needed M&M's for the same reason...I'm getting suspicious that it's just cause she likes them. During the down moment Shermance blew up a rubber glove and we played volleyball in the patient room.
Our doc came in a bit bummed today. Apparently he had to give another patient some bad news already before 9:00am. But Shermance washer normal bubbly self and made the doc laugh. He tolerates us, but is also quite funy in his dry humor. No, he won't go with us to pick out a plastic surgeon, and he can't drink beer during work hours. But he did help Shermance by reducing her steroid for today, telling us to reduce her steroid pills after chemo and increased her perscription sleep med. In our words, he wants to "knock her ass out" so she gets plenty of sleep. And we don't want her sick, though she's starting to think she has the start of a chest cold...uuugh! After a short visit with the doc we were wisked to the "cancer-killing room".
Bobble Head
One of Shermance's favorite things to say when she walks around the house showing her bald head is "I'm a Bobble Head. Look at me, the Bobble Head!" She's referring to those 6 inch tall characters that have heads with springs inside that allow the head to wiggle when moved. It's a naked feeling not having any hair, and although it may feel awkward and like her head isn't really her own it does offer 2 distinct advantages: 1) drying time after showers is significantly reduced and 2) we've found that kissing the back of her hear gives her goose bumps all over and tickles all up her spine. At this point she still has lots of stubble, but also patches are completely gone and her eybrows, much to her chagrin, have thinned a bit. Even if she were a bobble head, I'd have to say she's a mighty pretty one.
Within the last week I've noticed that sometimes Shermance gets sad for no apparent reason. Even she can't explain it. She's not sad about the cancer or any event - she just feels down in the dumps. She had heard about Chemo Depression and our strategy was to keep her so busy with work, volunteering and normal family duties so she wouldn't slip into the sadness. After VBS today, she just wanted to be alone. She snuck off in our bedroom with her iPad (not unusual) and a bag of chips (very unusual) to stay away from our boys and the neighbor they invited over. Shermance thought she had a perfect hiding place, but she was found out and, of course, she was asked to share her chips. She politely declined. Not sure if she pulled the cancer card. Ha!
Actually being a crew leader at VBS this week was a wonderful outlet for Shermance to be goofy with the kids and have a great time, but the downside is VBS was just half a day, so afternoons that were left unplanned allowed for the tears to creep in and an Eeyore dull frown to take over her face. Extra hugs have been welcome medicine this week. I don't think it helps that she's built up in her mind that this next chemo will be much worse than the last one which knocked her down for about 5 days. She's scared. She's worried. And she really wishes this were done.
Even though there have been sad times this week, there are still so many people offering support and love. For example Monika made her favorite M&M cookies and shared them with Shermace. The Smiths brought over a croched blanket that was hand-made by a woman in her church. Many people within the church prayed over the blanket to help with her healing before it was presented to her today. It's purple which represents survival! AMAZING. A couple weeks back Shermance even received a bracelet off a patient's arm who also dealt with cancer. When Shermance noticed it, the woman paid it forward immediately... We've found the wonder of humanity in so many ways through this gut-wrenching experience.
One more funny thing to tell...Shermance is keeping up her Tae Kwon Do training with the rest of our family. We all try to attend classes together and today was one of the days we all made it. Shermance and the boys are 2nd and 3rd degree black belts and I'm a lowly yellow belt. In our combined class today, after lots of work on our forms and our kicks we spent some time on weapons. The weapon of the day was sanjaban (often better known by the Japanese name nunchuck) or as it is comonly called in class, "two sticks and a string". This time we tried an advanced move flipping the weapon over the hand in a 360 spin as we were striking and when going back and forth. Near the end of class as the next class was gathering in the viewing area, our instructor, Mr Shin, asked us to add a toss. This seemed to completely throw off Shermance. It just wasn't working. She dropped it every time. Seeing her struggles Mr. Shin focused on Shermance to give her more specific instruction. She watched. She listened intently. And then she tried it herself and failed or shall I say "flailed" miserbly. In fact, one time she threw it straight up into the ceiling fan which shot it at a ceiling tile, popping it out of place and indenting a hole in the tile. She was so embarrassed! Everyone else couldn't concentrate on their practice because we were all laughing so hard. It didn't stop Shermance from trying some more (bless her heart), but it seems she just might need a bit more practice...and a bit less flailing. Ha!
Chemo #3 tomorrow. Wish us the best!
Within the last week I've noticed that sometimes Shermance gets sad for no apparent reason. Even she can't explain it. She's not sad about the cancer or any event - she just feels down in the dumps. She had heard about Chemo Depression and our strategy was to keep her so busy with work, volunteering and normal family duties so she wouldn't slip into the sadness. After VBS today, she just wanted to be alone. She snuck off in our bedroom with her iPad (not unusual) and a bag of chips (very unusual) to stay away from our boys and the neighbor they invited over. Shermance thought she had a perfect hiding place, but she was found out and, of course, she was asked to share her chips. She politely declined. Not sure if she pulled the cancer card. Ha!
Actually being a crew leader at VBS this week was a wonderful outlet for Shermance to be goofy with the kids and have a great time, but the downside is VBS was just half a day, so afternoons that were left unplanned allowed for the tears to creep in and an Eeyore dull frown to take over her face. Extra hugs have been welcome medicine this week. I don't think it helps that she's built up in her mind that this next chemo will be much worse than the last one which knocked her down for about 5 days. She's scared. She's worried. And she really wishes this were done.
Even though there have been sad times this week, there are still so many people offering support and love. For example Monika made her favorite M&M cookies and shared them with Shermace. The Smiths brought over a croched blanket that was hand-made by a woman in her church. Many people within the church prayed over the blanket to help with her healing before it was presented to her today. It's purple which represents survival! AMAZING. A couple weeks back Shermance even received a bracelet off a patient's arm who also dealt with cancer. When Shermance noticed it, the woman paid it forward immediately... We've found the wonder of humanity in so many ways through this gut-wrenching experience.
One more funny thing to tell...Shermance is keeping up her Tae Kwon Do training with the rest of our family. We all try to attend classes together and today was one of the days we all made it. Shermance and the boys are 2nd and 3rd degree black belts and I'm a lowly yellow belt. In our combined class today, after lots of work on our forms and our kicks we spent some time on weapons. The weapon of the day was sanjaban (often better known by the Japanese name nunchuck) or as it is comonly called in class, "two sticks and a string". This time we tried an advanced move flipping the weapon over the hand in a 360 spin as we were striking and when going back and forth. Near the end of class as the next class was gathering in the viewing area, our instructor, Mr Shin, asked us to add a toss. This seemed to completely throw off Shermance. It just wasn't working. She dropped it every time. Seeing her struggles Mr. Shin focused on Shermance to give her more specific instruction. She watched. She listened intently. And then she tried it herself and failed or shall I say "flailed" miserbly. In fact, one time she threw it straight up into the ceiling fan which shot it at a ceiling tile, popping it out of place and indenting a hole in the tile. She was so embarrassed! Everyone else couldn't concentrate on their practice because we were all laughing so hard. It didn't stop Shermance from trying some more (bless her heart), but it seems she just might need a bit more practice...and a bit less flailing. Ha!
Chemo #3 tomorrow. Wish us the best!
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| Bracelet from a patient |
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| Hand-made prayer blanket that was prayed over at their church |
C is for cookie that's good enough for me. :) Too bad it's also for cancer.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Outdoor Oasis
When Shermance bought my Father's Day present she knew it could go etiher way. I could really like it and want to work on it right away, or I could resent another 'honey do' item. The gift she bought was really more for the kids, but she had a vision of a place that could bring our family closer together. The gift? A rope swing. Her vision was to put it in out backyard greenbelt which is a city-owned 220-acre park that has naturally worn walking trails but no constuction improvments. The problem was the forested area directly behind our fence was filled with scrub cedars, thick brush, thorned vines, and even a rusted old barbed wire fence from years past. So in order to hang the swing it would require a lot of effort clearing an area. Fortunately, I was up for the task and Sunday we spent the whole afternoon as a family realizing her oasis vision. Shermance was full of energy and worked straight through a planned nap time to finish the project. The Perren's pitched in by offering the use of some manly tools, including their backpack-style super blower that made quick work clearing out a season's worth of dense leaves from the forest floor. By late afternoon, the kids were swinging in the swing fowwed by constructing a fort - mission accomplished!
Fast forward to today...Shermance had a great 4-day work week and now she has two vacation weeks - Wahoo! Despite a week of patients with excessive coughing and sneezing, Shermance stayed illness free and quite cheery. The cheer dropped a bit tonight when she realized her eye brows are thining out in blotchy areas. Uuugh! She hoped for that area to be unmarred, but unfortunately it's not her choice.
The kids also finished up a week at Camp Invention where they challenged their creative sides. Among their accomplishments was escaping from Planet Zak in a pod they created, building an upcycled Sludge City to be as eco friendly as possible, tearing apart electronics to see how they functioned, building a roller coster out of recycled material, and creating a Rube Goldberg machine that could pop a balloon in as many steps as possible. All the while they were learning about Newton's Laws, brainstorming, problem solving, and working in teams. The best part is they were having so much fun they didn't even realize they were learning!
Fast forward to today...Shermance had a great 4-day work week and now she has two vacation weeks - Wahoo! Despite a week of patients with excessive coughing and sneezing, Shermance stayed illness free and quite cheery. The cheer dropped a bit tonight when she realized her eye brows are thining out in blotchy areas. Uuugh! She hoped for that area to be unmarred, but unfortunately it's not her choice.
The kids also finished up a week at Camp Invention where they challenged their creative sides. Among their accomplishments was escaping from Planet Zak in a pod they created, building an upcycled Sludge City to be as eco friendly as possible, tearing apart electronics to see how they functioned, building a roller coster out of recycled material, and creating a Rube Goldberg machine that could pop a balloon in as many steps as possible. All the while they were learning about Newton's Laws, brainstorming, problem solving, and working in teams. The best part is they were having so much fun they didn't even realize they were learning!
Kid's Invention Camp Pics
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| Escape pod from Planet Zak! |
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| Roller coaster |
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| Rube Goldberg machine |
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| Sludge city |
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